


Invictus Maneo

by Astray



Series: Bones, Skulls, and Kittens [4]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Past Drug Use, Tattoos as a coping mechanism, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, he got much better, nothing descriptive, show of trust, they are the worst saps still, this got deep very fast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 15:13:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11831358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astray/pseuds/Astray
Summary: Fang has many tattoos. Some are for aesthetics. Others have a history. A history he never felt like sharing - until Paws asks him, on a summer evening.





	Invictus Maneo

Fang was happy. It was not a bright sensation, but it suffused the place. The months he had spent with Paws had been heaven, he would not lie. He had never expected to enjoy intimacy, just that togetherness that came with a relationship. But there he was. Lying against Paws’s chest on one of the lounge chair in the garden - just listening to the sounds of early night. They did not need a blanket, summer heat lingering. Paws was tracing Fang’s tattoos on his arms, following the ivy. 

Fang had expected him to grow tired of the tattoos - or at least, to stop paying attention. But Paws had not. Even if his face and spine were the ones that attracted him most. Fang reflexively moved when Paws’s fingers traced the letters inside his elbow. It was still sensitive - or maybe it was just a somatic reaction. Paws stopped moving, hand hovering over Fang’s skin. 

“I can tell you about them.” He was not blind. These tattoos were different from the theme he had going on, after all. But Paws had never asked. 

“Only if you’re ready to tell me.” Paws kissed his temple, and wrapped his arms around Fang. He relaxed into his lover’s embrace. 

“I am.” He took a few moments to gather his bearings - sort it out. Not quite sure how to start. “These were the first tattoos I had. Same artists.” And after that, he told Paws. The constant rage, the powerlessness, the spiral. How he had wanted the pain to get out of him. “It was easier. I took it out on myself, rather than give them the satisfaction.” And the drugs, once he had felt nothing else was enough. How it had taken Zetiva and Faze and Natil to drag him out of that pit. The weeks and months and years before he could look at himself again. Before he could find something else. 

“I started to paint. It was Natil’s idea. That I let everything out on the page. Or on my skin.”

“Ink washed off.” Paws had whispered, perhaps more for himself, but Fang still nodded. 

“It helped, in a way. I could watch it as it swirled down the drain.” He paused. Talking was cathartic, but it was draining. He never talked about that. “Then I started playing again. Creating. It forced me to focus on something else. Even at three in the morning.”

“Your aunt must love you.”

Fang smiled. “She does. But she was specific about what kind of music I was allowed to play at night.” He sighed. “The tattoos, it was… a reminder. That I had gone through that Hell once. And I was still there.”

“Remaining undefeated.”

Fang scoffed. “I probably should have found something like, defeated, yes. But I went on.”

“Defeat is when you stop trying. You didn’t.” 

“I’m glad I didn’t.” He turned around to kiss Paws’s jaw. “Wouldn’t have met you.” He grinned, relieved that Paws was smiling back. “They also helped. When I was feeling down. When I feel down. I look at them. And… I don’t want to mess my ink up. So whatever I felt like doing. I didn’t.” 

Paws tightened his hold on him. Kissed his cheek. “Talk to me when it happens?”

Fang did not reply right away. It was another step still, and he had gotten used to deal with it on his own, but- “I will.” He was sure of it. That he would talk to Paws when things go haywire. 

They remained like that for a while, Fang curled against Paws. Paws stroking his back. They were silent, but it felt right. Natural. He felt lighter, too. 

“I love you.” And it scared him a bit, because it was new - but it had been so immediate. And he wanted to tell Paws. Over and over and over. Even if it probably was stupid. Even if he had said it before. But never after sharing anything like it. Something that ran so deep, etched into his bones and marrow.

“I love you. I’m glad you told me. And grateful for your trust.”

“Thank you for listening.” 

“Anything, love.”

He was so glad he had stuck around long enough to meet this man. Because it made it worth it. And he did not want to quit. 


End file.
